


why?

by chloee03



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:01:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21957049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chloee03/pseuds/chloee03
Summary: Ben and Callum come face to face after the breakup, as Ben tries to keep up his 'tough guy' act will Callum finally break down his walls.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 5
Kudos: 49





	1. Why?

It has been one week since the breakup or in other words, one of the hardest things Ben has done. Breaking the love of his life's heart. Ben’s family still don’t have any idea that its happened he says that there is no need or that his family don't need to know but deep down he knows that the true reason why he hasn’t told them is because he wants to pretend that it never really happened. If no one else knows then it never really happened then, right?

Callum is heading out of town, staying at a mates. To get some space he told his brother. The day he was leaving bumping into Ben was something he didn’t want but it was something he needed. He had questions running around his head. Why? Was the most important question that he really needed an answer for but standing in front of Ben his mind had never been so clear, thoughtless and Callum was lost for words. Callum lost for words? Something must be wrong.

Ben was watching the door to the funeral parlour hoping ever so slightly Callum would come out, Ben was still reeling from the events before. He never meant to be heartless. There is just a need to protect Callum well that’s what he likes to tell himself anyway. Deep down he knows that it’s really because he is scared in fact terrified of falling in love, terrified of something horrible happening to Callum because well that’s what happens to everyone Ben loves. He still thinks about Paul every day, minute and second. The thoughts never leave him. What if he had just kept his mouth shut, then maybe Paul would be okay. He could never ever let anything like that happen to Callum that’s why he needs to protect him. Not from the world but from himself. He means too much.

As Callum opens the door, Ben hears the creak of the door of the parlour and turned as quickly as he could, hoping that Callum doesn’t notice that he is there or the fact he has been staring into space towards the very door Callum has just opened for the past 10 minutes but it’s too late.

“Ben?” Callum almost whispers

Ben waits a second before turning around to face the man who he thought he would spend the rest of his life with well if he hadn’t have broken his heart that is. Trying to collect his thoughts and stop the tears from just flowing from his eyes.

Ben turns around and faces Callum.

“Callum” Ben replies, trying not to make Callum aware of the tears that are nearly pouring from his eyes


	2. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finally listens to Callum, realising just how much he loves him. Callum is able to break down Ben's walls.

Ben wasn’t expecting for the breakup to hurt this much, he thought it would be the best thing for Callum but standing there looking at Callum he realised just how much Ben had broken his heart. He had never felt such guilt. Maybe Callum was telling the truth when he had told him he was in love with him, Ben tried to disregard it. Ben believes that it was too good to be true nothing good ever happens to him right? Well it did but this time it wasn’t phil that ruined it, or homophobic people. It was Ben and standing there Ben realised what he had done but he couldn’t go back now, there is still the dire need to protect Callum which was what he kept telling himself.

“I know you love me Ben, just like i love you” Callum blurted out, not sure who he was convincing

Ben took a minute to reply to Callum, unsure how to. Whether to tell the truth which was that he very much loved Callum, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Callum but he was terrified of anything or more precisely anyone getting too close.

“I do love you Callum, I- I- Callum you are the best thing that has ever happened to me” Ben rambled not meaning for any of those words to leave his mouth

Callum was confused as to why Ben would end something that meant so much, that was everything to both Ben and Callum. He was unsure what to say.

“Why? Ben, if i meant as much as you say i do then why would you break my heart?” Callum hesitated but he felt like it was a question that was very much needing to be asked

Ben never said anything he just looked at the ground trying not to make any eye contact. He never meant for any of this to happen or to say that, he should have never have said that. Why give Callum hope? Nothing good ever happens to Ben, he doesn’t deserve Callum.

“Don’t say that you want to ‘protect’ me Ben it’s more than that, you know that I am very much capable of protecting myself” Callum shouted trying to get Ben to listen and for Ben to just look at him or to even get a few words out of him.

“Fine! I’m sorry Callum, I wasn’t meant to be so cruel or break your heart but i needed you to listen” Ben croaked, tears nearly falling from his eyes.

Callum just wanted to run over, hold him, tell him everything would be okay but why give him hope? 

“Ben, i know you-” Callum was trying to plead but Ben cut him off

“No you don’t Callum! You don’t know what I am capable of, the things i have done. You are the most caring, sensitive and joyful person I have ever met, you shouldn’t be with someone like me, someone who will ruin you” Ben ranted but it seemed he was trying to convince himself rather than Callum

Callum was infuriated with everyone telling him what he needs. He is old enough to do what he wants. Why does everyone feel the need to tell him what is best for him. It’s his life. This is it, this is where it ends.

“Ben. You don’t get to decide who is good or who isn’t good for me. I make my own decisions, I chose you! Don’t you get it Ben. The only reason you ended things wasn’t because you were trying to protect me, you’re scared! Of falling in love, of falling for me, of loving me. The only person that is going to ruin your life Ben isn’t the world, or Phil. It’s you. Just stop Ben, tell me i’m right. It isn’t too late to save this, to save us. Tell me that you want to be with me.” fumed Callum, he wanted an answer. 

Ben was taken back, he was not expecting Callum to realise what was really going on. Maybe everything will be fine, he thought to himself.

Ben was hesitating before speaking, carefully picking his words.

“You’re right Callum. You’re right.” Ben agreed with Callum

Ben was terrified, he had never been like this before. So scared of falling in love, ever since Paul he thought he didn’t deserve it but he just wants to be happy and he feels so so unbelievably happy with Callum. Maybe he does deserve to be happy.

“Callum. Please don’t go. Let's go home. I’m so sorry. I- I- love you Callum more than i have ever loved anyone and that, that scares the hell out of me but I know that I can’t live without you” Ben had never wanted to get something of his chest than he did those words, he couldn’t live without Callum.

Callum had never been so happy to hear someone speak, to hear those words. The “I love you” is echoing in his mind. He has the biggest, warmest smile across his face.

“Of course I'll go home with you.” Callum beamed

Ben felt such relief. Callum dropped his bag and ran towards Ben hugging him, scared of ever letting him go. Ben let the tears just flow from his eyes unable to contain them. Ben took Callum’s hands off him and held Callum’s face in his hands not believing that someone like Callum is in his life, someone who loves him.

“I love you Callum Highway” Ben gushed with the most genuine smile 

Callum unable to stop the smile from forming from ear to ear, grinning so much his eyes crinkled.

“I love you too Ben Mitchell” Callum said almost giggling because of how happy he was, of how happy Ben made him.

Ben and Callum took each others hands and strolled down the street heading towards Callum’s house. Their home. This was going to be the best Christmas ever.

Callum broke down Ben’s walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This will be the last chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> First of all, i hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> I have never written anything before, well do English essays count? anyway i love the relationship between Ben and Callum and so i just wanted to write a little something. 
> 
> I'm not exactly sure where i was going or if it is going to be a one shot or not but please let me know what you think and if you think i should continue.
> 
> Chloe x


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